The Bed is So Lonely Without You
by jzay
Summary: Picks up after episode 11 x 10. Following up on Callie not being ready to move on. Calzona all the way.
1. Not Ready

Just a little something to follow up last week's episode. I want our girls back together, so I'm just gonna write it myself. This picks up right where the last episode left Callie…..

Callie rushed out of Joe's and just walked aimlessly for what felt like hours. Her mind felt blank, but at the same time she was thinking about a million things. It was like her entire history with Arizona was replaying over and over again in her head: The amazing parts, the horrible times, and the unbearable pain of the separation. This time the separation was the most devastating. This time it was divorce and their break up had so much finality. All of the other times there seemed to be hope, but this time she was hopeless.

The biggest problem of all was that, not only was she hopeless, but she was still hopelessly in love with Arizona. She wasn't ready to move on, even with the woman with a nice "saddle." Why couldn't it just be easy? Why couldn't they still be happily living the life that was supposed to be forever?

At some point her direction had changed towards the hospital and she found herself wandering the halls. She pretended like she was just walking around, but the truth was that she was hoping to catch a glimpse of Arizona. Maybe she could just stare from far off and pretend things were still good. Finally, she landed on Arizona in one of the exam rooms with a pile of papers around her. She had dozed off and looked absolutely adorable. Callie allowed herself to step right inside the door and just take in all that was her ex-wife. Her hair was pulled up with loose curls falling down from being messy after a long day. Callie just wanted to hold her again and wished that this woman was still her wife.

After a few minutes she knew it was time to escape before Arizona woke up and she was caught in a very awkward situation. Quietly trying to open the door she cringed when she heard that beautiful sleep filled voice whisper, "Calliope?"

She knew she couldn't avoid this, so she slowly turned around and just said, "Yeah."

"What are you doing here? Is it Sofia? Is everything okay?"

"Sofia's fine, she's with the nanny. Everything's fine."

"Oh, um, so what are you doing here?"

"I ahh, I dunno."

"Okay….. did you need something from me?"

Callie's brain wanted to scream, _"Yes, yes I need everything from you,"_ but her mind wouldn't allow it. She simply said, "You know I kinda can't believe people see me as beautiful."

"Excuse me? Where did that come from? Calliope, of course you are beautiful."

"I just, I dunno, I was so caught off guard by hearing it."

_I have told you that constantly_ Arizona thought. Her brain caught up quickly though and she suddenly realized Callie must be talking about an interaction with someone else. A situation where someone else was calling the love of her life beautiful even though that should still be her job.

"You shouldn't be. Calliope you are beautiful, inside and out. Everyone can see how gorgeous you are."

Callie couldn't help the jump in her stomach at hearing Arizona say that, but then she remembered that even with all that she felt like she wasn't enough.

"Yeah, but it didn't make any difference…" she said quietly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Arizona responded.

"You know what it means Arizona."

"No, I don't."

"It means it doesn't matter that you say that. It obviously didn't matter when someone prettier came along. I wasn't able to satisfy you or keep you happy enough not to want something else."

Arizona's heart broke all over again in that moment. Callie had always expressed anger and pain about her infidelity, but never had she fully admitted how inadequate and low it made her feel. Arizona thought they had at least moved past Callie thinking the cheating meant she was inadequate. How could she explain that it had nothing to do with her beauty and her perfection?

"Oh Calliope…."

"You know what, forget I came in here tonight," Callie said turning around to escape this downward conversation.

"Wait, no, don't go," Arizona said jumping up to stop the woman. She quickly turned Callie around, placed her hands on Callie's arms, and looked straight into her eyes.

"Calliope Iphegenia Torres, you are going to listen to me and listen to me good. And I am going to make you hear this because you really need to hear it. Lauren and all of the other awful things I put you through had nothing to do with how beautiful, perfect, and amazing you are. To me, and anyone who isn't a complete moron, you are the epitome of the perfect woman. I was so lucky to have loved you, called you my wife, and to have a child with you. Being with you was the best thing that ever happened to me. My biggest mistake and biggest regret was doing all of the things that screwed that up and have made you think less of yourself. I never wanted to be that person. It tears me apart that you can't even accept someone calling you beautiful because of what I did to you. Calliope, I am so deeply sorry that you doubt yourself to be anything less than a goddess because of me."

Tears were unavoidable and they filled Callie's eyes as she saw the truth and sincerity flow from Arizona. She had a way of doing what she said, really making Callie hear her. At that moment, the only thing she felt was pure love for this woman and even though she knew it was a disastrous mistake, she pulled Arizona into a passionate kiss. As it continued, they moved towards the couch strewing papers all over the floor. Before she knew it, they were making love on the couch.

Laying there in each other's arms after they had taken all those steps back, Callie couldn't help but feel like maybe it was actually a step forward. If nothing else, she felt like she really understood a little better how Arizona felt.

"Do you ever think that maybe happiness runs out? Like maybe you only get a certain amount of happy and then that's all you had left?"

Arizona lifted her head from Callie's chest and looked up at her. "God I hope not, but I get it. Sofia brings me happiness and joy now. I love my work, but happiness in the relationship department is definitely limited for me."

"Yeah."

"We got the short end of the stick I guess. But I don't regret our time, I don't regret any of our happiness. I would rather have all those good times and that happiness with you than something else with anyone else."

Callie was just silent, so Arizona continued; "I have no doubt that you were it for me. If it's not with you, then I won't be able to be happy this way."

"You really mean that?" Callie questioned.

"100%. Nothing could ever compare to you for me. You set the bar way too high, no one could ever be enough for me after I had you. No one else could love me like you did and I could never love anyone else like I love you."

"Do," Callie said.

"What do you mean do?"

"You said no one else could love you like I did. It is like I do. Arizona I still love you with all of my heart."

"Seriously?" Arizona said in disbelief. She knew Callie still cared and maybe held some love or affection for her, but she had no idea Callie still loved her that way.

"Why wouldn't I be serious? A love like ours doesn't just go away. Just because we don't talk or because I'm bitter and hurt doesn't mean I don't still love you every bit as much as before."

"This all really sucks."

"That's eloquent Arizona," Callie joked because she was having difficultly now with the seriousness of this conversation.

"I don't know what else to say. It kinda sums it up completely. Here I am with everything I want and have ever wanted in my arms and I can't have it because I already blew it."

Callie just looked at Arizona and then got uncomfortable because she felt the same way, but had no idea what to do about it.

"Yeah, well it's late so I gotta go relieve the nanny. I will see you tomorrow when I drop off Sofia."

"Oh um alright," Arizona said awkwardly knowing that after this Callie would probably barely speak to her again. They would go back to their separate lives where they only talked about things related to their daughter and otherwise acted like the other person didn't exist anymore.


	2. Why Can't It Be You?

Arizona was right. For weeks Callie avoided her even more than before their incident in the exam room. She even made excuses that caused other people to have to hand off Sofia to avoid even the necessary contact. Often times she sent residents to answer any pages that involved Arizona. It sucked even worse than before, but Arizona knew this was her life now and she had to get used to it. Hopefully, someday they could at least be friends so she could have Callie back into her life.

It was about 3 weeks later and Sofia was over at Meredith's for a sleepover. Usually nights like this she had spent spoiling her wife and they would make love, talk, and enjoy each other for hours. Instead, she was going to bed early trying desperately not to think about where Callie might be right now. She had heard through the grapevine that Callie was going out a lot and even dating now. That night three weeks ago Callie hadn't been ready to move on, but something must have switched because she jumped back into it pretty quickly after that. Arizona wished she had that kind of closure or desire to even think about dating.

At about 3 in the morning, Arizona was woken up by an incessant knocking on the door. She couldn't believe that Alex nor Jo had woken up to that sound and figured it was one of their drunken friends. Probably one of the idiot residents. Finally, she got out of bed and made her way down to the front door only to see Callie through the glass. She quickly opened the door and said, "It's the middle of the night, what are you doing here?"

"It's everything I want too," Callie blurted out not making any sense to Arizona.

"What? To stand on the doorstep in the middle of the night?"

"No, you, us," Callie said motioning between them and stepping inside, "What I meant to say is that I can get the things you said a few weeks ago out of my head. I have been running over and over it in my head. And I have been trying to move on and forget. But why? Why can't we do things differently? Why can't we try again? I don't want anyone else, I want you."

"Wow," was all Arizona could say because she was stunned and pretty sure she was dreaming. She was certain she would soon be woken up by Alex and Jo going at it again across the hall.

"Just wow. Um okay, I guess you don't have to give me an answer right now, just ahh, just think about it," Callie stammered.

"Oh no, I don't need to think about it. I was just stunned and, dream or not, I have no doubt that I would do anything to be with you again. It's all I want."

"Okay, so good, yeah, um…" Callie hadn't really planned her next move after the big speech if Arizona said yes.

"So where do we go from here?" Arizona asked.

"Well, we have to get married again, and you have to move back in, we have to tell Sofia…..and I think we should go back to counseling for a while because we still have to work through our problems and learn how to communicate better. Oh damn, I hope she doesn't take away sex again because I already really miss sex and I was looking forward to us making that a regular thing again. Like I really reallllly need it. Oh and…"

"Calliope, stop!" Arizona exclaimed.

"What?"

"Do you hear yourself? There are a lot of steps between now and me moving back in or us getting married again."

"But I want it all, don't you?"

"Of course I do, but I don't want to rush anything and just pretend like we are fine. That destroyed us last time. We have to do this the right way this time. I want all of that. I want everything back, but better than before. To do that, we are going to have to take it slow and rebuild us."

"When did you become so level-headed?"

"Babe, I have always been the more rational one. You think with your heart first and I love you for it, but right now we have to use our heads and hearts."

"Whatever you say, but we can still have sex right?" Callie questioned.

"Are you propositioning me Miss Torres?" Arizona said lightening the mood and lifting her right eyebrow.

"That's future Mrs. Robbins-Torres to you!" Callie said as she basically jumped Arizona.

Arizona smiled into the kiss and managed to mumble out, "Bedroom, now."

Not sure if I am going to end it here or not. Suggestions?


End file.
